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Why Politics Is Dull And Everyone Hates Politicians 14 December 2006

Posted by David in Uncategorized.
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Pop band Girls Aloud have told The New Statesman that politicians should stop “trying to be cool” and instead should just get on with trying to run the country. They should instantly join Cameron’s A list.

The popular band are, of course, entirely right. Politics is dull and everyone hates politicians. Strangely, most politicians wonder why. Well to start with, they are unpopular because they spend ages wondering why they are unpopular. Naval gazing is so irritating.

And the result of the said naval gazing, they blame “voter disillusionment”, as if it is the voters’ fault, rather than their political failure. The answer they think, spend more money and try to be cool, like X-Factor or Pop Idol. Here they reach a problem, TV talent shows are popular because the contestants either have nice personalities which we like, talent, or both. Politicians generally have neither.

Talent show contestants are also open – they do what they say on the tin. When you vote for Girls Aloud, you get Girls Aloud – a pop band. If politicians were involved you’d vote for a pop band and get one of those musical Christmas cards instead. Politicians offer what they cannot deliver.

Girls Aloud are pro-grammar school, clearly seeing that opportunity is key. Politicians are too afraid to offer this option. Sadly Girls Aloud support high taxes, though only if you “see where the money goes”. They think Labour has wasted too much money, so what they call ‘high taxes’ may be lower than current levels.

They are more intelligent than Bob Geldof, who’s years of annoying “send us your money” campaigning for Africa have destroyed the Ethiopian tourist industry and funded their bloody civil war with Eritrea. His Marxist trade ideas wouldn’t help them either – Africa needs free trade, not rigged trade. U2 frontman Bono addressed the Labour conference and is an equally stupid man with no idea of economics.

Geri Halliwell – aka Ginger Spice – told the Spectator in 1996 that “We Spices are true Thatcherites. Thatcher was the first Spice Girl. For now, we’re desperately worried about the slide to a single currency.”If only Cameron was so unashamedly Thatcherite.

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