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Swathes Of Politicians Could Face Arrest For Breaking Electoral Law 4 April 2007

Posted by David in Funny.
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Swathes of politicians could face arrest for breaking an electoral law dating back to 1766.

An election pack issued by Bournemouth Borough Council stated that “lunatics and idiots” were disqualified from standing. Quite a few current politicians fit both these descriptions. They also disqualified what they called the “deaf and dumb”.

Matt Pitcher, electoral services officer, said it was a mistake and that the terms were taken directly from election law dating back to 1766. “Of course such language is certainly not acceptable today,” he added.

The Bicycling Chameleon understands “deaf and dumb” to be totally and utterly offensive and wrong, but notes that “lunatics and idiots” is a good description of most politicians.

“The terminology used as part of our election pack to candidates was unfortunately taken directly from a piece of election law which dates from 1766 but is still current today.”

The Crown Prosecution Service tells The Bicycling Chameleon this evening that there are sadly no plans to charge those politicians breaking the lunatics and idiots law. “Evidence would be hard to prove in court.” Really?

“Bournemouth council treats all people fairly whatever their sexual orientation, age, religious belief, disability, gender or race and the council apologises unreservedly for any offence which may have been caused.”

“The information pack has been amended.” Good.

Shame it’s late for April Fools really.

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A Tax On Happiness 26 February 2007

Posted by David in Funny.
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Britain’s rate of happiness poverty has soared according to a new report by the UN, with Britain’s rates among the highest in the World.

Those suffering from happiness poverty are most often characterised by depressed facial expressions, a slouched walk and tendancy to complain about four wheel drives, which theBrowny refer to as “gas guzzlers“. They feel it their right to complain about people richer than them, better looking than them, with more friends than them, and with brighter kids than them.

“The gap between the happy and sad has grown to a huge level never before seen,” according to the report’s author, Professor Liebstrum of the Centre for Envy, Jealousy and Hate, “seeing people so excessively happy just makes the sad even sadder. There is so much inequality.”

Michael Meacher, the Labour leadership challenger, went further. “We have got to redistribute happiness,” he told reporters, “there’s nothing else for it, happiness must be taxed.”

The government believes the happiness tax would fit well with plans for reformed council tax. “We’re already going to tax conservatories, double glazing, views, good schools, local shops and ‘peace and quiet’; happiness will fit perfectly,” said a Downing Street spokesperson, “we’re especially going to tax smug gits called Gordon sitting in the backs of cars [see pic].”

There are fears that taxing happiness will simply be giving in to miserable, jealous hate-filled Victor Meldew types, but no one is listening. Envy is in fashion for 2007.

Fancy Giving Money To The Government 8 January 2007

Posted by David in Funny.
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Well, fancy giving money to the Government!
Might as well have put it down the drain.
Fancy giving money to the Government!
Nobody will see the stuff again.
Well, they’ve no idea what money’s for –
Ten to one they’ll start another war
I’ve heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor’!
Fancy giving money to the Government!

Sir Alan Patrick Herbert, 1890-1971

The Poverty Gap 18 December 2006

Posted by David in Funny.
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Hat tip: http://www.nicholsoncartoons.com.au/